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I know how it feels

I don't encourage, promote or glorify eating disorders or self harm in any way.
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I'm afraid I have an ED. I'm skipping meals and trying to eat less. If I eat to much I feel terrible, sometimes even cut myself, but I'm trying not to do that. Nobody knows. None of my friends/my family would understand. I just don't know what to do.

If right now you don’t feel like your friends/family would understand this then find someone else you can talk to. The important thing is getting all of your cards on the table and moving forward. A close adult figure or separate family member might be a good place to start. These are serious issues and the people who love you most want to see you through this. Just a small thought, your friends and family might be much more understanding than what you give them credit for, and they really do love you.

Best, Austin xo

I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. I'm sending pictures to boys, flirting, having sex with different people and I hate this! I don't know what I've become. I hate myself. I hated myself before all this, but I like the attention I get from these boys, even if it's momentary, I'm just sick to death of myself. I'm messed up in the head and I hate it

Getting this type of attention and using sex to try and boost your self image is just an unhealthy coping mechanism. There’s nothing inherently wrong with sex when both partners are in a good place mentally and consenting, but it can take on other aspects when we don’t make sex about enjoyment and/or love and make it about trying to cover true feelings that we’re having. Try talking with someone about why you think sex is the next best option when you’re feeling down. (A therapist would be super helpful).
Best, Austin xo

Note: having sex definitely doesn’t make you a bad person, but if it makes you uncomfortable with yourself it’s probably best to avoid it until you’re actually ready.

If I tell my parents about my depression and issues with food, does that have to mean trying to recover because I'm not ready for that yet but I feel like I need to tell them before I get too overwhelmed.. /:

Take this first step and tell your parents. This means that you’ll be taking care of yourself in the best way for you. I know recovery seems overwhelming but it’s really a step by step process, not all at once. Your parents and future treatment team will help you through all of these steps. I know you can do it :)
best, Austin xo

if I was to get help for my ed (bulimia) and like went to an inpatient facility would insurance cover all or most of it because I don't want to get help if it will cost a fortune my parents aren't made of money and this wouldn't be the ideal thing to spend it on, If I was to get help I just really wouldn't want to have to break my parents bank

It all depends on your insurance. I know mine covers inpatient care to an extent. I would look at your plan and coverage. Also, the facility would have to accept your insurance carrier. Please remember that ultimately you’re the most important thing to your parents and there isn’t a price tag on your mental health.

Best, Austin xo

I've been struggling with low self esteem and poor body image for years, but it become worse around 1 year ago and ever since then I've got through stages of starving myself, binging and crying about it, extreme exercise, comparing myself to every girl and even trying to make myself sick. I also think I have depression but I don't know what to do. I just want to be thin, my thighs are huge and so disproportional to my body. I hate myself :(

Everyone goes through a point in their life where they don’t think they are what societies idea of perfect is. I’m not saying that this isn’t serious, it is because you have done this for quite sometime. I want you to know that you are as good as everyone else and you shouldn’t want to compare yourself to anyone because you are unique. You are perfect in your own way, there are healthier ways to become more approving of your body. I used to think of myself as fat and I know that I am not in anyway societies idea of perfect but I have learned to live with it. I used to go around covering up my stomach and everyone knew I was self conscious but then one day this guy came up to me. He told me that I should learn to love my body, he said boys like curves and that I was just as good as any girl. So I’m here to try and be your inspiration to learn to know you are perfect and your body is perfect. Please try to take care of yourself babe, we will always be here for you.

~Morgan xx

I cant get diagnosed but I know I can't stop my behaviors. even if i stop for a day I end up either fasting again or purging again and i'm not sick enough to need help. I've had eating disordered behaviors for almost a year and all I have is EDNOS

Hey babe, I know you think you probably aren’t sick enough to see someone but I never think that is true. You can be sicker than someone else or not as sick as someone but sickness is sickness. You say you can’t see anyone but if you have had this problem for almost a year now and can’t stop the habits on your own, you need to try and talk to someone about it. I know it can be hard, all of this is hard. It will get easier and better if you just let someone try and help you. Hope this helped, and hope you get better I know you are strong and come overcome this.

~Morgan xx

I recently recovered from anorexia (or so I thought), but instead of getting better I feel even worse about myself: obsessively counting calories during of the day, and then eating chocolate or ice cream at night. This leaves me feeling terribly guilty and disgusted with myself, and I don't know what to do. Do you have any advice on how to stop obsessing over food and begin living a normal life again?

Congrats on your recovery efforts! I’m assuming you have a therapist so feel free to bring this up there, but here are some things that might help.  

Eating sweets and such at night: Try and plan to eat whatever you’re eating nightly during the day. Take a certain time to really just enjoy it and enjoy that you’re treating yourself :) that’ll help stop the shame that comes with it.  

When you’re counting calories are you still meeting daily goals with your eating? That’s whats important. To stop counting try eating intuitively. Listen to your body for signals of hunger and satisfaction after meals. Try a day a week where you don’t count calories and just listen to yourself. I think that’ll help you learn how well you really can just have a normal relationship with food  

Best, Austin xo

Ok so I'm really nervous about talking to my doctor about my ed bc I don't want my mom coming into the appointment with me(it's just a sports physical but I figured it's now or never) but I was thinking I could have her sit out so I could talk to my doctor because I really don't think I'd be able to talk about it w her in the room but Im nervous about my dr not taking me seriously because I'm not underweight, in fact Im a little bit over weight but yeah maybe you or someone else could help? xx

You can definitely tell your mom you’d rather go into the appointment on your own. She might be happy to have the time to herself while you’re in office. If she asks just say there’s something personal you want to talk to your doctor about. (I would personally act flustered). Whatever you need to do to get support for your ed go for it babe.

Best Austin xo

It’s been real

Hey guys, it’s Austin.
I’m just making this post to tell you in short that I’m leaving this blog. I won’t be an admin anymore, really because it’s starting to feel like very few of us are still posting . I hope I’ve been able to point one of you in a positive direction and your disordered eating habits don’t have such a negative impact on your daily life now. I love you all and my personal blog will be listed below in case any of you want to get in touch (some of you have asked but I never gave it out). I’ll also log in here a few more times over the next couple of days to try and clear out the ask box as well so it’s not overflowing.

Best, Austin xo
You can find me at: thisboysbones.tumblr.com

It sucks feeling like crap bc EDNOS isn't taken seriously and people think its not a real eating disorder and so you feel like an even bigger failure

I really don’t like people self-diagnosing or diagnosing others. Only a trained therapist can do it (or even should). Does it matter what you call it? For me my eating disorder plain out sucks. I hate how it makes me feel so I’m focusing on changing it. If someone doesn’t take your eating disorder seriously because it’s called one thing over another, fuck them.
Love ya, Austin xo

I'm restricting all the time and I've lost a lot of weight but everytime I look in the mirror it just feels like I'm getting bigger and bigger. I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing is helping

That’s why this all sucks so much. It’s not something you can do on your own, so now you have to reach out. Start wherever you can and take those first steps. There’s never going to be a time where your satisfied with your body when it comes to your eating disorder.
Best, Austin xo

I find it really really hard to take a compliment. Like my boyfriend would say something like 'you look beautiful' and I just kind of sit there and put on this really doubtful smile, and It makes me feel like crap cos I don't want him to think I'm just throwing his comment away. It means so much to me that he's saying something like that, but I just can't believe that I am anything good

This is where self-criticism starts to rear it’s ugly little head. You think, “well I don’t believe these things about myself, so how could they be true?” But you’re dealing with a distorted view of self. A therapist can really help you start moving in the right direction on the path to true self-discovery. The end goal being comfortable in your own skin ☺. I like to think of compliments as a kindness given by another person to me (regardless of what the actual compliment is). Someone who likes you sent some good energy your way right? You don’t have to associate something you currently dislike about yourself with just getting some good vibes! It’ll be easier with compliments as time goes on, trust me. 

Best, Austin xo PS sorry this turned into a little bit of a rant ☺

So I've been struggling with eating problems on and off for about 6 months. I've always had a negative self image but it's starting to get worse. I fast most days and when I don't I eat under 500 calories. My best friend is finding out and she worries that I'm anorexic however I don't think so because I'm not underweight. What do you think? Do I have a problem? Thank you, xo

You came here for advice didn’t you love? I think this speaks volumes that you’re recognizing this. Restrictive eating habits are not only negatively affecting you but they’re reaching into your personal relationships. You don’t have to meet a certain set of criteria for disordered eating habits to be addressed. You are a person not a bulleted list of symptoms. 

Please get help, Austin xo

The other day i did the salt and ice challenge and loved LOVED the burn. I'm itching to feel the sting afterwards How messed up of a person would i be if i added something like this to not eating?

Just like restrictive eating habits this is an unhealthy coping mechanism you’re using because it can ultimately help you disconnect yourself from what you’re feeling. I strongly advise you to talk to a therapist or confidant about what you’re going through because sometimes it takes work making decisions that better yourself, both mentally and physically. 

Sending you strength, Austin xo

I really don't know what to do. I been bulimic since like 1st grade. And I really want I get help but I don't know how I ask for it. No one knows about my ed. And I'm scared to tell someone

First off I am so proud of you for wanting to get help. Like you have no idea, and it makes me feel even better knowing that you will get help and will get better. My advice is to look at your parents for help. Tell them these things I’m sure they care about you enough to get you help. If you don’t feel like you could go to them go talk to a school counselor, or maybe your favorite teacher. Find someone you are comfortably around. You want to tell them these things slowly though because they might not fully understand. I’m so proud of you right now though and I know you can overcome this. I send my best wishes love.

~Morgan xx